-Why are you so formal?
-I'm not formal. It's a T-shirt. I'm just

-feeling-
-I like your nice pants. [laughs]

I was just feeling navies.

-What is wrong with my navies?
-It's just very formal.

-You have a problem?
-I'm in, like, my

-casual...
-People don't know that.

-... romper.
-They look like a nice little-

-I look like a homeless person.
-No, you don't. You look like you're

wearing a nice little overall...

-Nope
-... situation. Also, I'm glad that you

decided to try to roast me for my pants
because I had zero cold opens at all for

this, even though we've got a
action-packed episode coming up.

-[laughs]
-Lots and lots to talk about. However,

thank you for fulfilling

-the cold open requirement.
-I need you to stop calling it that. Just-

-Why do you need to... Why?
-It doesn't mean anything.

-What, what is wrong with it?
-Just be like, "Hey, so happy all 10 of you

-are here."
-Okay.

-Enjoy. [laughs]
-There's more than 10 now. I think we might

-have 14.
-Wow.

I know. Breaking records over here.

-Speechless.
-All I gotta say is-

-[laughs]
-... that it is Episode 33

of

the No One Asked Us podcast. This is my
beautiful, fantastic, marvelous wife,

-Allison-
-Wow, what did you-

... aka Summer Ally,

-aka-
-What'd you do? [laughs]

-... the love of my life.
-[laughs] What is this for? [laughs]

-I don't know, just-
-Are you about to break some bad news?

-[laughs]
-No, I'm just keeping things spicy.

-[laughs]
-My name's Will.

-Nope. Did.
-Let's do it.

You know that I'm going to have to cut in
a clip of us doing that rap.

-Oh.
-When we were doing a sound check-

-Okay
-... at some point.

-I have no shame.
-We'll drop that in.

But it's been... I was about to say it's
been a bit since we've been on the mics,

-but it's-
-It's-

-... just been... We just missed one time.
-Did we?

Yeah, but I just get so used to getting on
the mics and chat- chatting with you-

-On the mics?
-It feels weird.

-It feels weird-
-It feels weird that we just talk normally

-in our-
-Yeah. Totally

-... day-to-day life.
-No, but it just-

We have to bust out all of this nonsense.
We can't just-

-It is-
-... live our lives. [laughs]

... in fact... It is in fact a whole lot
of nonsense. You're not wrong about that.

It is. You disrupted my

-Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader-
-Oh-

-... Netflix binge for this.
-We don't need to add that. Oh,

which reminds me...

Okay.

We... Okay. We're... We have a big segment
coming up where we're gonna talk about

-our trip. However-
-Oh, okay

... before we get there, um, I want to
drop something into the

-what we're watching.
-[laughs] Okay.

Um,

and it is not the Dallas Cowboys
Cheerleader show. That is what-

-That's what I'm watching
-... that is what Ally is watching.

[laughs]

Um, but no,

-Taskmaster.
-Yeah, yeah.

-I want to make sure that if anybody-
-We're a Taskmaster crew

-... who is a fan of ours is-
-[laughs]

-... is not on-
-All 12 of you

... If any of you are not watching
Taskmaster,

-it is comedy that will change your life.
-It's-

-It is so good.
-It's hilarious.

-Like, multiple belly laughs-
-Like, I don't know-

-... every episode
-... all of you that are watching this. I

don't even know who it is at this point.
If you truly know Will, [clears throat]

when Will laughs at something, like,

I know which one is a genuine laugh that
he thought was like, "Eh, that's kind of

-funny."
-I don't-

-But then when Will-
-No, you don't need to go here with this.

... thinks something is, like, really
funny, he kinda gets this, like- [laughs]

-Mm-hmm
-... very high-pitched belly laugh.

-It is rather high pitched.
-Think equivalent to the Pillsbury

-Doughboy-
-Oh-

-... kind of laugh.
-... shut up. [laughs]

-Um, but-
-And it's true

... this... Like, when we watch
Taskmaster, we almost can't watch it at

-night-
-Because I'm belly laughing too much

... after we put the kids to bed, because
we're laughing too hard.

Yeah. It is... It is rather hard not to
just bust out laughing. It's good.

-It's good.
-It's a British comedy show. It's all on

YouTube. Just look up Taskmaster, and it
will show up.

-Yep.
-Hilarious. If you want to just, like...

You can... And you can literally watch any
season

at all that you want,

and none of the seasons really kind of
explain. Like, even...

-Yeah.
-I'm pretty sure even season one doesn't

-really tell you what's going on, so-
-Who cares? We just watch it because-

-Just, like, pick up on-
-... it's hilarious

... the most recent season. It's
fantastic.

-Mm-hmm.
-It's good stuff.

All right.

-On to-
-On to-

... what we're gonna spend most of the
show talking about.

-Bum, bum, bum.
-Which is

-highlights from the King family vacation.
-Oh, yeah. King/Ingram.

-The Kinggrim, if you will.
-[laughs]

-Family vacation to North Georgia.
-Mm-hmm.

Blue Ridge. Uh, the mountains. To, as the
kids called it, the mountain house.

-The mountain house that-
-Which when they tell everybody, it's like

-we own some mountain house.
-Yeah. Deft-

-Just a rental that-
-Airbnb sitch

... Ally's parents got for us. The rental,
which was

-incredible.
-10 out of 10.

-10 out of 10 rental. It had a pool-
-12 out of 10.

-Twelve o- Whoa, girl.
-I thought it was wonderful.

-We're breaking scales here.
-Yeah.

-I also thought it was wonderful.
-[clears throat]

They had a double king-size

-bunk bed.
-Yeah.

Like, king size on the bottom, king size
on the top. That's some serious

construction. And it was made with, like,
some beautiful wood. I'm not gonna get

-into it.
-Yeah. That was like-

-It was a great-
-... I will be here all night.

Great bunk bed.

-Um-
-[laughs]

-But no. It had a pool.
-[laughs] I'm laughing 'cause you're-

-And it was fantastic
-... making it seem like we slept on the

-bunk beds, but we didn't. [laughs]
-I don't know. Did we?

-No. [laughs]
-No. We slept in the master bedroom that

had a king bed. We ended up getting the
master bedroom 'cause we still have a

-one-year-old who sleeps in a tent.
-Yeah.

-And so we need the space to put the tent.
-We needed the space.

Which

-for any of you with small children-
-Slumber Pod

-... what is the na... Slumber Pod.
-Slumber Pod.

We're gonna put you onto the Slumber Pod.
Pack-and-play plus a Slumber Pod.

It's a little pricey, but it's so worth
it.

But it is worth every single penny if you
travel at all-

-Mm-hmm
-... with your kids

that are, like, under... like, two...
Like, anyone that fits still in a

-pack-and-play-
-Yep

... fantastic. You put this little tent
over them. It's got ventilation. You can

put their little sound machine inside. And
it is pitch-

And a camera. There's a pocket for, like,
the-

Yeah, and there's a pocket for a camera as
well. And it is pitch black in that

thing. Even if you have it in the same
room and their sounds are going on inside,

you can't super... Like, it kind of
muffles the sound so it's not killer for

-you.
-Too... And then-

-And if you-
-... you can have all the lights on, and it

-still-
-You can have all the lights on, and they

-can't be bothered.
-It's blacked out for them.

-It's incredible. We love it.
-Okay. Anywho.

-Anywho.
-It's our love for the Slumber Pod, so

-you're welcome.
-Anywho. We spent, like, every day in the

pool.

And I've got a few highlights.

[sniffs] And if you wanna bring up any
highlights, feel free.

I just feel like we should just like work
our way through. Um, the first-

The thing is I don't remember order.

Like, I don't know what order things
happened in.

-[sighs] Well-
-But I will let you-

... you're welcome. I can help you with
that.

-... handle it. Yeah.
-So-

-That's what wives are for, I guess.
-Pause.

-Mm. M'lady.
-Um, first day there,

-our girl turned six.
-Ooh.

-It was Palmer's birthday.
-Very important. It was.

-So we celebrated her birthday-
-It was. It was

... with a delicious chocolate cake.

Um,

-and just, we did-
-It was an incredible chocolate cake.

-It was.
-The... There was a bakery there that was

apparently on like Food Network or
something

Yeah. Won like Cupcake Wars or something.
I don't know.

-Yeah. Their cake was incredible.
-It was so good.

But it was huge. And there were not that
many of us, so we did not eat anywhere

-near all of it. But-
-No

-... it was delicious. Yes.
-Um.

-That's a good point.
-But Palmer turned six the first day of the

-trip, so she's so grown.
-So proud of that girl. Um,

highlight of her birthday.

-Her favorite gift of all of her presents-
-[laughs]

... is a label maker.

-Label maker?
-Our six-year-old going on 67 was super

-pumped about her label maker.
-Oh, yeah. I'd be pumped about a label

-maker too.
-Well, you've always been an old lady, so-

-I have [laughs]
-... that tracks. [laughs]

-I have. But, um, so that was day one.
-And that was day one.

And we just did like a lot of pool time,
playing games.

Oh, yeah. Lots of pool, lots of car- like
little card games. There's this one called

Herding Cats, which you just match four
of a kind of cats.

-And it's very like kid friendly.
-Yeah.

It was super fun. Um,

-this is out of order, but-
-Okay

... I'm just gonna like hit some
highlights 'cause otherwise, I'll wax

-poetic all night, and I don't even-
-You mean that's not what you've been doing

-right now? [laughs]
-Anyway, Allison-

-[laughs] You're just-
-... I am gonna break in with a quote from

-the week.
-Okay.

Quote of the trip, even.

Um,

I, as you can tell, always wear glasses.
However-

-[laughs]
-... we were in the pool all the time. And

so I was like, "I'm gonna put my contacts
in."

-We need sport mode Will.
-We need sport mode. [laughs]

-None of this-
-I know, but it's-

-... glasses business.
-I thought, "Why don't I put my contacts in

and I can swim in the pool?" And I even
put like goggles on and me and Palmer just

got under the wa-... It was so fun. It
was incredible. And-

-[laughs]
-... when I was going to change for g-

getting in the pool, of course, you get
never get any privacy as a parent. And all

the kids just run in there as I'm getting
ready, and all three of them are just

sitting there watching me as I ch- like
put in my contacts. And this is literally

-the first time-
-The first time. Yeah

... I have ever worn contacts around them.

-Mm-hmm.
-I think I wore them once at the... at the,

the basketball game before Laricon.

But they have never seen me put 'em in.

And I'm like putting them in. I'm trying
to describe to small children-

-I was about to say-
-... what contacts are.

... we're all watching you do this. And
Palmer's like, "What is that?" And I'm

-like, "Okay. Interesting."
-I was like, "They're contact lenses." And

they're like, "What are lenses?" I'm like,
"There's just these little... They're

-like little glasses that you can put-"
-You put on your adult.

"... in your eyes and they stick you
into..."

-Okay.
-Anyway. So we're like giving this

description. Well,

that all happens, and then I think it was
like two days later

or maybe the next day, our two-year-old...
[laughs]

-Our three-year-old.
-Oh, rats, he is three, isn't he?

-He is.
-Our three-year-old. [laughs]

-[laughs]
-Our three-year-old-

-Sheesh
-... old Debbie

is... Oh, he comes up to me.

No.

-Was it me or is it Gakki?
-I think it was Gakki.

I think it's me. I think it was Gakki. And
he just goes, "Did you know that Daddy

-put stickers in his eyes?"
-His eye stickers.

-His, h- his eye stick-
-He has on his eye stickers.

-Daddy put on his eye stickers.
-[laughs]

And I'm like, "My eyes?" I'm like trying
to figure out what he's talking about.

-[laughs]
-And he's like, "When we went swimming, you

put the stickers on your eyes." I'm like,
"Oh, my contacts."

-Yeah.
-And that was like

by far the funniest thing that I've heard
him say.

-That was.
-Which is just like, contacts are stickers

-in your eye. Like-
-They are.

-... makes so much sense. Like-
-Yeah.

... it's just a sticker.

-Anyway.
-That's good.

Um,

there was a... Oh,

this one.

Um,

-this is a strong opinion.
-Oh, gracious.

-This is a strong opinion.
-I feel like we're not gonna ever get past

-this. Like, you're just-
-What do you mean?

-Like-
-Get past what?

Describing the trip.

I'm not really describing this trip at, at
this point. I'm just like pulling out

-some highlights.
-Okay.

Here's a highlight.

-I was sitting on the back porch-
-Okay

... drinking a

-Topo Chico lime with mint.
-With lime.

-With lime with mint.
-Lime with mint?

-Lime with mint.
-I don't know.

-I'm not really sure-
-They're good

... but it's a fantastic drink. Very
carbonated.

-And the first one-
-Oh

... that I had on the trip, I opened it
and it was still a little warm, so I

poured it out of the can into a glass of
ice.

-Mm-hmm.
-And it was not that great.

-Yeah.
-I did not enjoy it.

But then I had it straight from the can
and it was very good. And so I think I've

decided

-that if you drink a canned drink-
-Mm-hmm

... it has to stay in the can.

-It-
-Where have you been? Like, this is not

-anything new.
-I think I just don't drink a lot of canned

-drinks, I guess.
-I know, but I'm like-

Never. But it's like, it loses all of its
carbonated power-

-I know. Cans keep it-
-... the second you change it to a new-

-Cans keep it crispy
-... new cup.

You do like describing your s- your soft,
soft drinks as crispy.

-Anything carbonated needs to be crispy.
-Crispy.

-Yes.
-A crispy drink.

-A crispy-
-Mm

-... Topo Chico in a can.
-It is. You're also a big Sprite fan.

-I love a crispy Sprite.
-What is your rankings on Sprite again? You

ha- listen, guys. Y'all don't know how
much Allie loves Sprite.

-I don't-
-Allie has a-

... here's the thing though, I don't drink
it all the time.

-She doesn't. But she has a power ranking-
-Because I did. I do.

Allie has a power ranking for like which
Sprites are better.

-[laughs]
-AKA which delivery method is the best.

-Yeah.
-Give us the rundown. Give us the...

Can we just get through the trip? I mean,
like...

-Nope. This isn't-
-Okay.

We're, we're going down this rabbit hole
for a second.

-Um.
-Number one

-is a can-
-A good, like, get your own ice out of a

-fountain-
-Mm-hmm

-... you know, like, drink dispenser-
-Like classic soda-

-Classic soda dispenser
-... dispenser. Mixed fresh, right when

-you're getting it.
-That's

-number one.
-Number one. Number two.

-Number two would probably be-
-From a can, right? I feel like a can has

-to be.
-A can, but it has to stay in the can.

-Obviously.
-[laughs] Number three would be a bottle.

Bottle Sprite, mm-hmm.

Number four would probably be, like, a
flat Sprite, you know? Because number five

-is those touch screen soda-
-[laughs]

-... machines-
-I'll take a flat Sprite over one

-... are straight garbage.
-They are absolutely awful.

-They're trash.
-There is nothing good that comes out of-

-I do not want-
-... a touch screen Coke machine

-... a touch screen-
-Where you can pick-

-... drink dispenser.
-... 55,000-

-No
-... drink options and mix-ins.

-That is ridiculous. They're terrible.
-No, absolute garbage. I agree. I agree.

So-

-All right
-... there you go. You didn't ask for that.

Mm-hmm.

No one... Literally, no one asked us.
[laughs]

-No one asked us, but-
-But you got my Sprite

-... you've got this one.
-You're welcome.

And

we're gonna take a little diversion before
we go back into something else-

-Oh, dear heavens
-... that is... It's still part of the

trip.

-Before we pull in something else that is-
-Okay

...

um, that came up as... on the trip.

I noticed, um,

on our trip, there was something that
we've bragged about, I think, a couple

-times on the show.
-[laughs]

Uh, and that is we, uh, were pretty proud
of ourselves that we had trained Wilson

-on waking up when he sees a six.
-Right. Uh, and you quote called him, "Our

-best sleeper," and I believe, if you-
-I didn't call him our best sleeper. Our

-best sleeper-
-Hang on

-... is and always will be Davis.
-Okay. But if you recall, I said something

to the effect of you were talking about
Wilson sleeping. I was like, "Don't say

it. Knock on wood."

-There's no wood around here.
-Well, 'cause this was, like, when we were

back up in the better setup in your
office.

-Okay?
-This is the better setup.

It's-

-It's- it's the harder setup.
-[laughs] Okay.

-But it looks better.
-Anywho, I told you not to say it. I did.

-Uh-huh.
-And I-

Okay. Are you saying I j-... This is my
fault?

-I'm saying it might be a point.
-Oh, no. This is not... No, this is not

-point-worthy on this one.
-I don't know. All 12-

-No. Because if anything-
-... of you decide-

-... we both deserve a point on this one.
-No.

We trained our son to wake up the minute
he sees a six.

-On his clock.
-On his clock. And guess what time zone we

-are in? Central time.
-No.

And guess what time zone North Georgia
mountains is in?

-Eastern.
-Eastern.

-So, it is-
-I'm tired just thinking about this.

It is an hour forward.

However,

guess what? All right. So, our clock is,
like, also this sound machine thing.

And so it's an hour forward.

-He would wake up.
-Which means instead of continuing to sleep

-til 6:00, which would be 7:00-
-No

-... their time..
-Never works for kids like that anyw-...

-You know? Just doesn't work.
-Hi- the second he sees the six, which is

5:00 our time,

he is up. He is wide awake. And nobody
else-

-And ready for the day
-... nobody else in that entire mountain

house is. So, for the entire duration of
that trip,

old Debbie is waking up at 5:00 A.M. our
time, every single day.

-Yeah.
-6:00 on the clock, on the dot, our sweet

-little boy-
-Yep

-... so well-trained.
-Yep.

Oh. Duly noted. If we want more sleep, we
just need to go back.

-Bump it to 7:00.
-We need... Well-

-No, you don't
-... no. We need to just go back another

time zone to where it's like 6:00 is
actually 7:00.

-Oh, yeah.
-You know? That's how we get more sleep.

-Okay. Noted.
-All right. So, that was it.

-Which brings me back to-
-[laughs]

-... a topic that came up while we're sit-
-Wouldn't this be so much more fun for

everybody if I also had the list, so I
could keep you on track?

I have offered and you said you are not
interested, that this is my job.

-[laughs]
-So, if you want to come up with some

-topics, by all means, Allison.
-I didn't say for me to come up with

-topics.
-Come up with some topics.

-Just-
-That'd be fantastic.

So, I can, like... I feel like you need,
like, a... like shot caller. Like...

-Allison-
-Okay

... we already have a points system. We
don't need shot callers.

-[laughs] Okay.
-Speaking... Anyway. I'm not gonna get

-sidetracked just yet. But-
-Okay

... a- a very important question came up
while we were sitting on the back porch-

-Mm-hmm
-... which was, what constitutes a grilled

-cheese? Because-
-[gasps] Oh

-... let me tell you, nothing-
-Oh

... makes Ali rage more than seeing a
Instagram reel-

-Ooh
-... of somebody who's like, "I just made

the best grilled cheese."

-Mm-hmm.
-And it falls under this category of things

that she does not consider a grilled
cheese.

-Do you not feel the same way?
-Let's discuss. What- what about those

-videos ticks you off?
-A grilled cheese sandwich is just cheese.

You maybe can have

one other thing,

like

-bacon, or if a tomato-
-Mm-hmm. Ugh

... does it for you. I'm not saying I want
it.

-Who's putting tomato-
-Some people are.

If you're putting tomato on a grilled
cheese, you can just-

-Go
-... go away.

I don't... Yeah. Nobody asked you.

But

a grilled cheese sandwich is just cheese.
It's a grilled cheese.

-I agree.
-When you start throwing in chicken and-

-Or like-
-... all this other stuff

-... sliced turkey, or-
-Yes

-... like..
-No.

-Like, no.
-That's just a sandwich.

-Yes. Exactly.
-That's just, like, a-

-It's a hot sandwich
-... hot sandwich.

-It's a hot sandwich with melty cheese.
-It could be a panini.

-Yeah. Mm-hmm.
-Or it could be... I don't care.

-And a grilled chee-
-It is not-

-Yeah. Agreed
-... grilled cheese.

-A grilled cheese-
-Don't do that

-... can only be a bread and cheese. Now-
-Yeah

... if you wanna do muenster, if you wanna
do American-

-You wanna church it up and do some-
-... if you wanna do-

-... pepper jack-
-... like, gouda or something-

-I don't care
-... like, do whatever cheese you want.

-I may let you do-
-If you wanna do two types of cheese, by

-all means.
-If you wanna... You can jazz it up. I'll

let you do, like, a preserved spread if
you're doing, like, a fancy cheese. Sure.

-But when you start throwing in-
-Maybe. Okay. Maybe, like, a condiment or

-something.
-Yeah.

-Maybe you get away with a condiment.
-No.

-If you f- if you're feeling weird.
-If you're feeling fancy. But you should

-not be allowed to throw in, like-
-Mm-hmm

-... meats-
-The second time-

-... or other things.
-The second you put a protein on there-

-It's not a grilled cheese
-... it is no longer a grilled cheese

-It's just a sandwich.
-It's a sandwich. I agree.

-You're saying hot sandwich.
-I agree. If you disagree, I would love to

hear your opinions on grilled cheeses.

-Ugh.
-But a grilled cheese... It-

Grilled cheese is bread and cheese and
butter.

It... The reason why I wanted to talk
about this... Because we are not getting

into this right now.

But there is an epic debate that comes up,
I'm pretty sure, every holiday with your

family.

-Oh, no. Don't even say it.
-Where your family argues...... for like an

-hour on what-
-It's not an argument. It's just more of...

It is not like an angry argument. It is

-like a... like a scholarly debate-
-[laughs]

... like a humorous debate almost, where
everyone knows it's a little ridiculous,

-but they still get really into it.
-I need... I need all 12 of these people

-to, like, get their opinion on this.
-Which is, what... what is a salad?

-What is a salad?
-We're not doing it this episode 'cause

-that would literally-
-Okay.

You could go down this rabbit hole the
rest of the episode.

I... I could. I'm just gonna ask.

-What is a salad?
-What is a salad?

-What is a salad?
-What-

-Just leave it there.
-What is a salad? Her family debates that

-every single holiday.
-Not every single holiday.

-Every single holiday.
-Okay.

-Anyway.
-Let's get down to business, though, about

-the trip, so we can move on.
-Yes. There's... there are three more.

-Will had-
-Three more things.

-Oh, okay.
-Go ahead with yours.

I was just gonna say, um, Will capped off
his vacation in the worst way possible.

Oh, I didn't just cap off my vacation. We
had, like, somebody... I was posting these

on in... on Twitter or whatever, X, and
somebody goes, "Bad things come in

-threes."
-[sighs].

And there were three terrible things that
happened as a part of this process.

-There were.
-I'm gonna share one of them, then we're

gonna skip to another topic, then we'll
come back to two, and then we'll come back

to three. So, the first terrible thing
that happened to me, I was swimming in a

pool.

-Having a good ol'-
-That was the worst thing that happened to

-you, swimming in a pool?
-No. Starting with one, this is the number

one thing.

-Not the number one as in like-
-Oh, my word

... the number one worst thing, but just
like-

-It's the first thing that happened. Okay
-... chronological order.

The first thing that happened is Will is
swimming happily in a pool with his small

children,

and I decide to

get out of the pool.

And I lift myself out of the pool with,
you know, just my hands on the side of the

pool. I push up when all of a sudden,

I feel a extremely painful sting on my
finger.

And I am like, "What the heck just
happened?" And I, like, kind of... kind of

-scream a little bit.
-You did.

-I don't scream, like-
-You went like, "Ow"

... but I was like, "Ah!" Like, "Ooh!" And
my daughter, who is literally, like, two

feet away from me just suddenly looks at
me like, "What is going on right now?

-Like, I've never seen Daddy hurt."
-Yeah.

Like, pretty sure she's never seen that.
And I look over

-and there is a scorpion.
-[laughs]

A freakin' scorpion sitting by my hand in
the pool just-

-Like, biting.
-It... Well, and here's the thing. I look

over

and I see a scorpion and I think of every
terrible thing you read about and hear

about scorpions, having watched Crocodile
Hunter, having watched, like, who knows

what growing up that... It's a scorpion.
Therefore, it must be

poisonous of some variety.

I don't know any better. I live in
Alabama. There are no freakin' scorpions

-in Alabama.
-I'm pretty sure there are, but you know.

So, I'm like, I see this, and... and what
else do you hear about scorpions? The

-smaller they are-
-I don't... I... Why do you know so much

about scorpions?

One, I'm a boy.

-Okay.
-So, like, while-

-All right. Anyhow.
-Anyway.

You asked a question. Don't ask a
question-

-Okay
-... then tell me not to answer it. That's

-just rude.
-[laughs]

Anyway.

-The smaller-
-Go ahead

... the scorpion, the more poisonous they
are supposed to be.

-So-
-So, Will thinks he's gonna die.

Here's what I'm thinking in my head, "Oh,
crap. I just got stung by a tiny

-scorpion."
-[laughs]

"Something bad's gonna happen to me. I've
gotta go to ER in, like, another state."

And it's already, like, afternoon at this
point, so I'm like, "This is gonna be

miserable. Like, middle of vacation, I'm
gonna have to go to a hospital." And then,

I realize, I look over while I'm m-
having a minor freakout in my head, and

our five-year-old, six-year-old now at
this point, is looking at me like, "It's a

scorpion.

I am absolutely terrified right now. I
think my daddy's gonna die." [laughs]

-[laughs]
-And I realize, "Oh, no,

-I gotta get it together."
-[laughs]

So, I

internally am like, "Oh, no. Am I gonna
die? I've got to go get antivenom at,

-like, some hospital somewhere."
-[laughs]

On the outside, I'm like, "Oh, honey,
nothing's wrong at all. Look at this-"

-"It didn't hurt that bad."
-"... it didn't hurt that bad. Look at this

cute little guy. I'm just gonna sweep him
off to the woods, blah, blah, blah, blah,

-blah." And like-
-[laughs]

... trying to play it so cool. And it...
my internal monologue is literally

-freaking out.
-And she is sobbing. Yeah.

And so,

that's... it turns out scorpions come in
non-poisonous varieties, obviously.

-[laughs]
-I guess.

-If you're still here with us.
-And, uh, and, you know-

-[laughs]
-... by the next day, like, my finger's

fine and nothing's wrong, but it was very
hilarious for a couple minutes.

First thing, Will

-gets bit by a scorpion.
-So, number one, Will gets stung by a

-scorpion.
-I just said that.

Yep.

-I'm just repeating for everybody.
-Okay, for emphasis.

Yep. Just for emphasis.

-Thank you.
-Okay.

Something else that came up on the trip

before we get to number two thing that
happened. How's-

I can't believe people are listening to us
ramble about this at the moment. I'm

-sorry. I'm just very, like, "Whoa." Okay.
-We were driving back to the house at one

-point-
-[gasps]

...

-and-
-[laughs]

... [laughs] and I'm afraid we scarred our
child for life. [laughs]

-We did! I think we did! Oh, this is bad.
-This is so funny. [laughs]

[laughs] Okay.

There it is!

-The Pillsbury Doughboy laugh. [laughs]
-Stop. [laughs]

Will thinks this is actually funny, guys.
[laughs]

-It was so s-
-That's his real laugh.

-It was so sad.
-It really was.

-It was so funny and so sad.
-I've... I've got this one.

-Okay.
-You take a break.

-Take it away, lady.
-Everybody's tired of hearing you talk.

-Yeah. Me, too. [laughs]
-Okay. We are driving back to the house

-and- [laughs]
-[laughs]

-[laughs] Are you done?
-I'm done. I'm done. I'll put it-

-Okay.
-I'll pull it together.

Get it together, Grouch. Okay,

we are driving back to the house

and

beautiful, scenic mountain routes and
we're in Will's truck, which means Will's

driving. I'm in the front seat and all
three are in their car seats-

-Mm-hmm
-... in the same row. Palmer is in her car

seat in the middle seat and then she's got
the boys on either side of her.

-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-Um,

Wilson is right behind Will. Davis is
right behind me. So-

-I'm... I'm driving, so Wilson-
-I've already said that.

-Did you?
-Yes.

Sorry. My bad, babe. Love you. Keep going.

[laughs] That's enough outta you. [laughs]

-[laughs]
-[laughs]

-[laughs]
-So, we were driving back to the house on

these windy roads,

and

I go, I look out my window as something is
about to cross the road.

-And what could that be?
-And we all go... [gasps]

-A bear.
-But we don't really say it happy.

Well, I do, 'cause it was kinda like a
baby bear.

-Well-
-It... It was small

... it was more out of, it was more out of
surprise.

-Surprised. We were shocked.
-It's like, "A bear!"

-We're like, "A bear!"
-Yeah. Like-

And so, Will's screaming about a bear. I'm
screaming about the bear.

Palmer's screaming about... Palmer's like,
"A bear? Wow, yeah!"

-Palmer's like, "What's a bear?"
-Yeah.

-[laughs] Our poor three-year-old-
-Who's the furthest away and cannot see

-said bear
-... can't see it, just hears all of us

-screaming about a bear-
-[laughs]

-... and he loses it.
-He loses it.

-He starts to scream-
-[laughs] And sob

-... and kick and sob and he is-
-Oh, the poor little buddy

-... terrified. We-
-He thought... He just was freaked out.

I think he thought the bear was, like, at
the car.

Right. I'm pretty sure he thought it was
at be- like, 'cause all he knows is that

-bears are big and scary.
-Yeah.

And he was just like, "Everyone's freaking
screaming about a bear, I can't sleep."

And we were like, "Bear! Look, there's a
bear!" And he is-

And he is freaking out. It was so-

-Yeah
-... so-

-Bless his little heart
-... simi- like, as a parent, you can, you

can

-relate to this moment-
-That's kinda funny now

... which is like, "Oh, it was so sad, but
also so hilarious."

-It was really funny.
-[laughs] That poor boy. And-

-Just really funny
-... he got over it pretty quickly, but it

-was really funny what was happening.
-Yeah.

All right. Number two thing that happened.

I'm walking through the house, about to
play a wonderful card game of Herding Cats

with Palmer. I am walking

over to the kitchen area

and

something about this mou- I think it's,
like, all mountain cabins where it's just,

like, we're gonna have a really sturdy,
solid, like, clearly handmade-type

-furniture.
-Yeah.

And that's what this kitchen table was. It
had, like, a big old chunky

table leg.

And what does Will do?

He

-kicks that sucker.
-'Cause he's not aware of his surroundings.

And I'm not wearing any shoes. And I kick

-that sucker so hard, I hear my toe crack.
-Yeah.

And I cut it and it start... My toe's
bleeding and I, like,

-break my toe.
-Yep.

So, like, n- stung by a scorpion and I
break my toe.

-Yeah.
-Two for two.

Someone on X is like, "They come in
threes."

-Little-
-I can't wait to share what number three is

-with you.
-... did we know.

-Little did we know at the time.
-But all in all, wonderful vacation.

Fantastic vacation. All right.

One last thing from the vacation from me.

-Gracious.
-Well, we got to until we get to nu-

-Okay.
-The final number three.

-Okay.
-All right. Last thing.

I changed the boys' clothes a lot on this
vacation. Swimsuits, normal clothes.

Swimsuits, normal clothes. We swam all the
time, so we were, like, switching,

flipping back and forth between different
clothes.

And

our three-year-old and one-year-old

have very, very different approaches to
putting on pants.

-Oh, yeah.
-And it's very interesting. This is, like,

not, like, a funny thing or anything, but
it's just, like, an interesting, like,

thing that you can observe about your
children, where it's like,

oh, their personalities are very
different,

-just by observing them putting pants on.
-Mm-hmm.

So, I'm putting pants on our one-year-old.

Our one-year-old.

And I'm holding them out and he is very
intently and intentionally looking at the

pants. Seeing where the leg hole is,
slowly putting his leg in with-

-One more time
-... as if... Slowly-

-[laughs]
-... putting his leg in-

-[laughs]
-... as if he's playing a game of... What's

that doctor game where you're trying not
to touch?

-Operation.
-Like it's a game of Operation and he

doesn't want his, like, legs to touch the
side... Once again, his legs-

-Thank you
-... to touch the side of the pants as he

puts it in.

So careful. So intentional.

It's crazy.

Then, there's Wilson.

Who, like,

-never looks at the pants.
-And is just like, "Blah."

Like, you're holding the pants up for him
to put his legs in and he's just like,

-"What's that over there?" Like-
-There's your problem. He should be doing

-it himself.
-What's... Uh, even when he does it

-himself, let's be real.
-[laughs]

"What's that over there?" And it's a
swimsuit, so it's got, like, the little

underwear in it. It's a little difficult
still. "What's that over there? I don't

know." And meanwhile, he's, like, trying
to put his leg in, but he's not paying a

look of attention. And so, like, his leg
will go in the wrong hole or his leg will

-just-
-He's also been up since 5:00 A.M. at this

-point. [laughs]
-Uh, also true. Or his leg will go, like,

right in the middle in, in none of the
holes-

-[laughs]
-... because he just doesn't pay any

-attention to what he's doing.
-Did you feel like it was a mirror?

-Uh, you know-
-[laughs]

... I knew you were gonna say that as soon
as I started talking about this.

-Yeah.
-I was like, "She's gonna make some comment

about he, how he's my son." But I just
thought it was interesting.

-Yeah.
-Just how you can observe, like, how

-different children are.
-For sure.

-Just by putting pants on.
-Yep.

No opinions on that?

-No.
-[laughs]

I don't.

-All right.
-We need to get past number three, because

I'm ready to put this whole ordeal behind
us. I'm ready to be done with it.

-Okay. Number three.
-I'm ready to close the book on this.

-The piece de resistance, if you will-
-[laughs]

... of terribleness, that was the cap of
our trip. We decided to leave a day early.

We had through Friday and we could have
left, like, Friday first thing when

-everybody woke up-
-Mm-hmm

... which was 5:00 A.M. our time for
Wilson, but anyway. But we decided to

leave the day before, right around nap
times, so that we can all have-

-Just like-
-... the night in our own home, wake up and

-have just, like, a normal day.
-Yeah.

Why not? Let's get home.

Everything's clean,

everything's nice.

And we get home, house is clean. Smells so
good.

-Wonderful.
-And then Ali says, "Will,

none of our outlets are working."

And I'm like, "Um, what?"

None of them, 'cause I was gonna make a
cup of coffee.

-Ah, gunsta have a cup of coffee.
-Yeah.

Anyway, Ali's making a cup of coffee....
obviously, I'm not thinking too much about

it. I'm just like, "Pfft, no problem. I
got this. I'll fix this." I go, check the

breakers. For some reason, every single
outlet breaker, but none of the other ones

are switched to off. So, I

flipped them all on

and all of our outlets work fine. There's
no big, like, electrical issue.

-But guess what runs on outlets?
-[laughs].

-Our refrigerators.
-The refrigerators.

Both of them.

Our inside refrigerator, which stayed
closed the entire time, so-

-Yeah, but-
-... whatever

... you're missing the biggest point in
all of this.

Which is?

-They had been unplugged since Tuesday.
-Tuesday, that's true. So, it's like three

days. So, like three... There... And the
reason we know this is 'cause we have

-cameras at our house.
-Yep.

And I remember on Tuesday, Allie being
like, "Will, our cameras stopped working

-today."
-Yep.

So, I guess that's when the outlets
stopped working.

So, three... You're right, for three whole
days-

-[laughs] Three days
-... our refrigerators had been off.

Which means every single thing in both
refrigerators-

-And the freezer
-... absolutely

-unusable.
-Gone.

-Gone. Donezo. Which was a lot of stuff-
-Yeah

... because I'm like, jumping back on my
diet, which means protein-heavy.

-[laughs]
-So, there is a bunch of meat in there, of

-the frozen and non-frozen variety.
-Ugh. [groans]

There is a bunch of frozen chicken
nuggets, corn dogs, french fries, all the

things you need to keep kids happy and
healthy-

-[laughs]
-... gone, done.

-Everything.
-Everything.

-I mean, truly everything-
-Milk

-... had to go.
-Leftovers.

-Eggs.
-Egg. Like-

Which, and we had already cleaned the
fridge out before we left.

-... literally everything.
-You know, it wasn't like it was-

-A little bit, but not really.
-Well, you were gone-

-And here's the-
-... we had cleaned out the fridge-

-... here's the worst part-
-... because you were gone up until.

Okay, that's fair. Tha- I'm s- I just
wouldn't know.

-[laughs].
-Here's the worst part,

the outside fridge. The inside fridge,
even though it was unplugged, the house

-stays at a pretty moderate temperature.
-Yeah.

NBD, it was not that bad of a cleanup.
Other than the fact that we lost

everything in there, which is annoying.
Anyway.

-But we have a refrigerator-
-Carport

... in our carport.

And guess what temperature it is in
Alabama during-

-It's like 90 plus.
-Yeah, like 90 plus.

And when I go out there to check on it-

-Immediately
-... the, the freezer door is like, cracked

-open.
-Oh.

Because it like, stuff expanded until the
door opened.

So, this freezer, for three days, has been
sitting in 90 plus weather.

Thank you so much for handling that out
there.

-You're welcome.
-Thank you.

It was, it was... It took two people to
tango.

It did. I was scrubbing the inside fridge.

-You were scrubbing. You did like a deep-
-Took it apart. I did like a deep clean-

You did a deep clean on everything. And
must I just point this out, that Summer

-Alley strikes again.
-[laughs].

We're gonna bloop. Bloop! This is now our
refrigerator.

-[laughs].
-So, Allie was like, "I'm glad everything

-got wasted-"
-I know. Got the home goods and-

"... because I got a fresh start." And
Summer Alley-

-Get some containers
-... organized a new area of the house. A

-refrigerator.
-Like a refrigerator.

And I gotta say, after a couple days,

-it's nice.
-You're a fan.

-I really like it.
-You're a fan of it.

You put... I, I eat carrots and guacamole.
These little personal size guacamole

-packets.
-They're all in resealable containers.

And they're all just in their own little
cont-... It's so fun. I love it. It's so

organized. I love Summer Alley. She's
great.

-[laughs].
-I also love Allie all the time.

-Thank you for that. Thank you.
-You're welcome. I just wanna make sure

that's clear to all the audience. I love
my wife at all times, but let's be real,

-Summer Alley's pretty great. [laughs].
-[laughs]. Whatever.

-[laughs].
-All in all, wonderful trip.

All in all, very wonderful trip. Um-

Yeah.

It was good. It was a, it was a long time.

-Mm-hmm.
-That was like-

I think it was for you because you flew
out to San Francisco-

-Mm-hmm
-... Sunday.

-Mm-hmm.
-You got home later on-

-Thursday
-... Thursday. And then we literally left

-Friday.
-That's true.

-So-
-And then we were gone 'til like the next

-Thursday.
-Next Thursday. So, you were gone for-

You're right, that's probably why it felt
super long. But still-

-A while
-... that's like a week with kids not at

-home.
-Yeah.

-And that's a lot-
-But you know-

-... usually.
-It was great. We had my parents-

But they were fantastic. It was really
great.

Uh, yeah. My parents were there, my
brother and his wife, and-

-Mm-hmm
-... you know, the kids got

-to-
-Spend a lot of time with family

... lot of time. We did a train ride. We
did playground.

And I think it helped that the place we
were staying was just so-

-It was a nice place
-... interactive. Like, there was so much

-to do.
-Mm-hmm.

-We went on a lovely hike. Anyway.
-We did.

-Wrapping up the trip, it was fantastic.
-Wonderful.

-We had a great time.
-10 outta 10.

10 outta 10.

-And now, we're gonna wrap up-
-Speaking of-

-What?
-... how much you love your wife. [laughs]

Speaking of how much you love your wife.

-Allie-
-[laughs]

... had this incredible idea.

There is apparently this like game or
trend-

-Trend, I guess you would call it
-... you tell people about it. I don't

-know.
-I don't know. I just saw this thing where

it was you ask your significant other

-if-
-Allie would come up with this and be like,

-"Will, we should do this."
-Yeah.

-"It'd be so fun."
-Um, is it the bare minimum you should do

for your significant other, or is it what
they would define as princess treatment?

-Mm-hmm.
-And so I was like, "Hey, Will,

we're gonna do this."

-So-
-So,

-without further ado-
-Without further ado,

-this is what happened.
-Bare minimum or princess treatment?

All right. Explain to me what we're doing
here again.

You have

to answer these,

I guess, scenarios, whether they are the
bare minimum you can do for

-a girl, AKA, your wife.
-Sorry. Trying to make this family

-appropriate.
-[laughs] Or if that qualifies princess

-treatment.
-That is-

-So, if either-
-So like, if it's something any husband

-should do-
-If it, it's the bare minimum, like, yes,

you should be doing that, that's bare
minimum.

-Okay.
-Or if it seems over the top, that would be

-like princess treatment.
-That is-

-All right.
-Okay.

So, bare minimum or princess treatment? If
you get it wrong,

I squirt you with the hose. [laughs]

-Wait. If I get it wrong, I get sprayed?
-Yeah.

-Okay.
-If you answer incorrectly-

-Incorrectly
-... you get hosed. [laughs]

That... Mommy?

-[laughs] So, the first one-
-Mommy?

-Yes, bud?
-I'm gonna spray Daddy.

-In just a minute you can-
-All right

-... okay? You sure can.
-Buy her favorite snack

just because.

I feel like that's bare minimum.

-Ooh, made me nervous there.
-[laughs]

-All right. Nailed that one.
-That... Yes, that's bare minimum.

-Yeah. That's bare minimum.
-I feel like-

-Like-
-... that's the least you could do.

-Yeah, it's, it's just a snack.
-Yeah.

-Like, it's not a big deal. Okay?
-All right.

Bringing her soup

when she's sick.

Bare minimum.

-Well... Oh, yeah [laughs], sorry.
-False start.

-It was a false start, yeah.
-Yeah, yeah.

You took a little long to think about
that, though.

-I did. I had to think about it.
-I feel like if I'm sick and in need-

Well, I was thinking about it 'cause I'm
like, "Who want..." Like, how do I know

you want soup? What if you're sick in the
summer? Soup is not great.

Well, just don't take too long to think
about it. If I'm sick and there's a need.

-[laughs]
-Okay.

Okay. All right. Filling up her water at
night. All right, now is this before bed

-or is this like-
-At night

-... in the middle of the night? [laughs]
-Oh, my word, Will. [laughs]

-[laughs] Stop.
-Just answer the question.

Okay. Bare minimum, gotta make... I gotta
fill your water up before bedtime.

-That's right.
-That's just a given.

-Good job.
-Like, understood rules of marriage. Mommy?

Buying flowers- [laughs] ... just
because. Mommy? Bare minimum. That's like

a... That's a layup. Mommy? Here's the
deal.

-Yeah.
-That's just... It's understood.

-But you don't do it. [laughs]
-[laughs] Okay. Right? So, I fail on some

-bare minimum treatment.
-[laughs]

Daddy? Daddy? Daddy? It happens. Holding
my phone in lip gloss.

Um,

hmm.

-Be careful, Daddy.
-[laughs]

-I think that's princess treatment. Carry-
-No! [laughs]

Carry a purse. That's what you have purses
for.

-No! [laughs]
-I'm not, I'm not your purse.

Open car door. That's princess treatment
right there.

Are you kidding me? [laughs] That's being
chivalrous. [laughs]

[laughs] Okay. When we're dating, yes. But
like-

Hey, Daddy? ... the only car door I'm
opening is like the three children's car

-door.
-[laughs] I can't believe you said that.

Uh, bringing me coffee in the morning
without asking. Daddy? Bare minimum. I

-mean- Mommy?
-Yes

... have you seen the tattoos? Number
nine, writing love letters. A million

-percent princess treatment.
-Oh, yeah.

-Like, what am I, Shakespeare?
-Yeah.

-Like, get outta here, man.
-That's definitely princess treatment.

-Yeah. No, I'm not writing love letters.
-I don't need letters.

Yeah. All right. Number 10, closing
cabinet doors. Princess treatment. Cabinet

-doors are for losers.
-[laughs] Close 'em, man. [laughs]

-Okay, that was fun.
-Oh, man. [laughs]

-Your turn.
-My turn?

I gotta say, I think I did a pretty good
job.

-I mean-
-I think there were... I think there were a

-lot of f-
-You did all right. You did all right.

-There were some-
-I think-

-... that like...
-... I think I nailed it. I think you-

-Nailed it?
-... were wrong. I think you were wrong

-with some of the ways-
-[sighs]

-... that you sprayed me.
-No.

-Mm-hmm.
-You took too long to think about one.

That's fair. I, I respect it. I should've
just answered quick.

And I'm sorry.

I will forever and always

demand that the bare minimum be that you
close the cabinet doors [laughs]-

-[laughs]
-... that you open.

-Are you kidding me?
-That one, I had to answer that one. There

-was only one way to answer that one.
-No.

But

here's what I will say.

Opening a door for your wife,

-the car door.
-That's chivalry, man. You're raising sons.

It... Here's the deal.

What example are you setting?

-It is chivalry. You are not wrong.
-I know I'm not wrong.

And when they are older and I don't have
to open all of the doors for them and

-buckle all of them in the car-
-Okay, you don't have to buckle all of

-them.
-Two out of three is pretty much all of

-them at this point.
-[laughs]

And, you know, just

carry all this junk to the car, I will be
happy to.

-But by-
-You literally never did it before kids.

-Incorrect.
-William.

I used to open your door some of the time.

-[laughs]
-[laughs]

-William.
-[laughs]

-Don't lie to these people.
-Anyway. I'm not the only one that got

sprayed. We also saw another video. I
guess we were just super into spraying

-water at each other-
-[laughs]

-... that involved-
-Also, time out.

-Really cathartic to just spray-
-Uh, I imagine. How fun it would be to

-spray your spouse-
-Spouse, with a, like a water hose, out of

-like [laughs]-
-[laughs]

-It feels good. [laughs]
-Well, duly noted.

-[laughs]
-In the future, we'll have to come up with

one where I get to spray you.

-No.
-Yeah, definitely.

-No.
-Or something.

-No.
-These things have to go both ways. It

can't always just be me.

-No. I think you can.
-We, we're definitely gonna do more stuff

-like this. This is just too fun.
-Okay.

Speaking of that, we had one where Palmer
got to do it.

-That was fun.
-And she...

It was like pretty much the same rules,
but it was like you would ask her a

question, she would answer it,

um, by spraying the person that she
thought

it was for. For example, like who do you
think's better at cooking food? And then

she would spray the person that she thinks
is better at cooking food.

I will share that on social media. You can
go find it.

-It was fun.
-It was fun. And [laughs] she clearly-

-[laughs]
-... understood the assignment,

which was not to spray one parent, but she
just made sure she sprayed both of us

-every single time. [laughs]-
-Yeah

... and just des- absolutely destroyed us.

-Mm-hmm.
-Anyway.

-That girl.
-That was a good time.

-It was.
-Thank you for bringing that up. I like

that we can still have fun-

-It was a good time
-... doing that. Like,

I like that...

I want to think that we might've done that
anyway.

Like, that feels like something we would
still do, just to have some fun.

-Yeah.
-But I kinda... Like, one... I think

there's like a part of doing this podcast,

even though we have only 12 of you that
watch, that like puts us in this mindset

-of like, "What would be something fun?"
-Mm-hmm.

And I like that.

Well, and I think it's nice 'cause it
forces us... Like, yes, we would've done

-that, I think, regardless.
-Well, I like to think so.

But I don't know if we would've filmed it.

-Right.
-You know? And like-

-And had the memory of it.
-Yeah.

-We would've just done it. Yeah.
-Yeah.

That's a good point. So, it's like we're
forcing ourselves into like capturing a

-bunch of stuff that-
-Yeah

... we get to have for later. And I love
that.

-Totally.
-I don't have anything else tonight.

-I need some sleep. I need some ice cream.
-Tonight? What if people listen to this

during the day?

I think it's understood that we film this
after our kids go to sleep, so we gotta

-just keep the-
-Okay

-... the shtick alive.
-But no one asked us.

-That it's like... No one did ask us.
-No one asked us. No one asked you.

-I don't know.
-I'm asking you to stop this. So...

-[laughs]
-I don't know. You 100% asked me, out

-there, all the questions.
-Okay.

So, anyway.

-You can go. Bye.
-Bye. [instrumental music plays]